It's very interesting all the things that come up that challenge a person's faith. And it changes from day to day, week to week and month to month. Last year at
Rosh HaShanna, I wanted to marry that man that I loved who wasn't
Jewish. And I did, but he became
Jewish (I like to call our relationship
rabinically and
halachahily approved). The ride wasn't easy. And it started some seven years ago. But that's a story for another day.
But lately it's the superficial things that driving a serious wedge between what I know to be true and what I want to do anyways. Like singing, and covering my hair, pepperoni pizza, and yard sales on
Saturday mornings with my mom. Or having lunch with co-workers.
So let's start with the food. I've been craving pepperoni pizza like no ones business. That and seafood. A little while ago I was sitting at a red light in White Marsh after visiting my favorite art store, and on my left was a red lobster. I started drooling just thinking about shrimp cocktail, king crab legs and lobster tails. I remember taking my best friends out to a seafood
restaurant in Ocean City and getting into a snapping crab leg fight. That was so much fun! Light turns green, someone beeps and off I go. And with one quick Tori Amos song, Silent All These Year, I've forgotten all about it. But it's dawned on me lately what the real issue is behind the food. It's not the food at all. It's all the memories, and the new restrictions. Now I've been keeping kosher and keeping
shabbos for a little more then a year now. And it never bothered me until recently. And just before
Rosh Hashanna came the thunderstorm of what I really am missing.
Monday - car broke down. Well, it wouldn't start. My husband comes over tries to jump start it, no luck. Checks this and that, no luck. I'm not upset at all either, this happens no problem. But then he says, "Sorry honey, we'll have to have Dad look at it and if he can't figure it out, we'll have to find the money to get it towed." I said okay, and asked for a ride to work. After all, it is bowling day at work. I do love my job. We're having our company outing today... He said it would cost too much to take me to work and back to
Baltimore, and back to get me and back home. And since he makes more money then I do, it's
cheaper for me to stay at home. And of course, he's right. He's right to any logical person. But I'm a woman. An emotional being who really is hearing, my job is better, I make money in this family, you stay home since you don't make crap for a living. Yuck!! I should have listened to
HaShem and my husband....but I didn't, so here's the rest of the day...
So I call my boss and he doesn't want me to miss bowling day either, so he comes down to pick me up and takes me to work. Now, we get their around 10:30am and do some work. And when it comes time to figure out what we're doing, a co-worker says, I have to leave a 3. Since it's now 12:30 that's enough time to go bowling if we don't want to eat lunch. So we decide on lunch. Or they decide on lunch since I work in Westminster where there is no kosher anything anywhere. I was fine with this decision because they could get carry out and have lunch at the office and all sit around the table and laugh and joke and gripe about things. But they didn't. They went to
Applebees. One person didn't want to get carry out. They wanted to sit down and eat there. And they know I couldn't go....but they chose that anyways.
So i didn't go.
They went out on a company outing and all had a great time, released some steam, and I sat in the office, crying my eyes out with the decision I made to keep kosher and all that it entails, while eating some tuna. I didn't start out kosher when I worked there either, so I used to go with them.
Applebees has great cheese sticks.
These decisions I make
separate me from everyone. My co workers, my family my friends. Who doesn't go out an eat whenever and have a great time. And they don't understand. And why should they?
That's what hurts. That's the challenge. To stick to your beliefs when it comes to something as simple as you stay at the office alone, when they go out for lunch. I know it's petty and really silly, but it still hurts. And it makes me question what I'm doing, and why.
I don't usually stay in this frame of mind for long, but I've been here for about 2 weeks....
I liked this one a lot, I'll have to recreate this page for myself in one of my own books. She has 3 wishes - please let me find my price, and we can live ina big castle, and live happily ever after!
A little this, a little that...then poof! a doll. She was fun to make. Hand sewn dress, color dusters for feet, yarn for a body, clay stamped head, vellum and handmade paper wings with stars, something for a belt, can't remember what it's called, raffia i think - it's organic! Those cool flower things for back of head, hair type stuff. Hope her new owner likes her!
This is such a fun book...it came back home, thank you g-d, I did a couple of spreads and redid the covers and now she's going back out!
Here's my sign in tag, the fibers covered up her face during the scan, oh well!!
I think these pins turned out very cool. The scans, once again, do not do these justice. The top four are my new stamps from www.TheEnchantedGallery.com Which is a very cool website with great original stamps and molds . The bottom two are done on stampbord. Cool stuff!! 
